i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
