guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
