Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
