U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
