eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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