I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
