Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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