I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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