ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
