God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
