I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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