At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
