I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
