i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
