they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
