He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
