idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
