Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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