is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
