Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
