yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
