If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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