Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
