Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Farmville is her only friend.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
