Apparently you make a good broom.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
