thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
