I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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