Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
