i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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