I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
