she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
