We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
