We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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