entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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