I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
