it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
someone owes me an orgasm
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
