Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
