entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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