"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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