Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
