yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
how drunk are you?
Several
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
