So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
