I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
