Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
