Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
