dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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