Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
