Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
