You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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