My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
